Reflections and advice I have gathered from my friends
Don’t rush into a relationship
- Yes, sometimes it’s too tempting to rush to the next step. If you want to avoid severe heartbreak later especially when you are young, spend at least half a year just getting to know them. There is a lot that can happen in six months; small fights, big fights, you may find out they are not the person you are looking after, you get to share and experience a lot of stuff together. If you can handle all these situations that come about in this time and be able to talk it through with the other person, it goes to say you can and that you are ready for the next step. Though this doesn’t guarantee that you will be together forever. Otherwise what’s so bad about being good buddies? Sometimes it’s best to stay as friends and get back to the old way of talking without any restrictions.
Ask what the other person wants in a relationship
- The best advice I got till date from a work friend. Before you start getting serious, you should ask what the other person wants. A serious relationship? Short one? A long one? And what are you expecting out of a relationship? Do you expect the person to hang out with you all time? Do you expect to talk to each other every day? Are you expecting this person to fill in the emotional needs or other aspects of life? It’s good to be clear and transparent early, rather than to go through to it blindly just for the fun of it.
Give yourself first priority
- This goes along with balancing your time. If you never been in a relationship before and you recently started one, it’s so easy to give it all in. You chat, video call each other 24/7 and you forget you have a life yourself. Even if you don’t have one, you should start one. They say it’s sexy to the other person if you have your own passion and goal you work towards. And it’s just life, how are you going to take care of the other person without putting your career, family, and health first? You both should have something going on in your life and don’t let the relationship consume you, it’s so easy to get distracted.
Give each other some space
- A relationship is not always about spending all the time with the other person, picking each other's brains, or expecting them to be available for any sort of reason. Each of us has our own individual lives even in a relationship, and one doesn’t own/control the other individual's life.
It's all about supporting each other while continuing to love what we do individually!
Balance your time
- We are not taught how to balance time. No one is good at it, it's all about priorities. Are you willing to dedicate your relationship as your top three priorities? If not this may not be the right time for you. Growing up it's crucial that your career is more important, looking after your family is important and you have other hobbies/friends extra. You can find a relationship at any age so please don't sweat into finding one because your relationship requires some dedication, that bond needs to be held to withstand, otherwise you are just wasting his/her of time. It can wait.
If you are new to a relationship, long-distance may not be right for you
- Long-distance requires a lot of patience, understanding, and trust. All of which you may get to learn if you already know how relationships work. Getting straight into long-distance without prior experience can be a rocky road in understanding the other person’s life. Acknowledge that timings can be different, they have other duties and other personal obligations, they may be in a more serious career, and they have other people to talk to. So it really takes a lot of maturity and experience to be able to successfully go through a long distance.
Have trust in the other person
- When the other person tells you they are busy and have other work to do, trust them. No matter what, you may not know entirely what's going on in their life and we are not in a position to judge anything or anyone. There will be times where you will be in the same situation and you will soon understand. If they are talking to other people, it can be easy to be nosy. Again, you are creating your own reality — trust your partner. Do not go through their messages behind their back, stalk their likes and comments on Instagram. They will reply in their own time. Be patient. The world doesn’t revolve around you. If they do end up cheating, that's a different story. Don’t worry about who he/she talks to. If you feel very insecure about it then you are not really ready for a relationship. It's time to fall in love with yourself, build confidence, and accept the fact that you - like many others can’t be good at everything.
